hi, this is astral speaking

you may not recognize me, I'm probably a stranger to most of you, but you probably likely know me as the person that Drumstick groomed, that psa which Star made in April
alongside with Pazz being outed as a groomer by Ourself and Null. I fear that I will get a lot of backlash for this, but I am expecting it and think I deserve it for what I did.
I was not groomed by Drum. To put it simply, I lied about him grooming me.

I need to give you all a bit of backstory between me and him
Drumstick has been my friend for nearly four years, and our friendship in the past has been far from great. Though we started off really good, since then we have had many falling outs and disagreements and blocking each other became common for us starting last year. With the most recent occurrence taking place in February, where we had our biggest falling out. I blocked him and he followed suite and then he hadn't talked to me ever since. Until March where I decided to talk about him to a friend (Star), it started pretty light where I was just talking to him about how Drumstick would have been my regular customer with how much me likes my art (I was in the transition of opening up commissions for the first time during then, this was the initial start of our conversation), but that didn't end up being the case because I mentioned to him that we had a falling out and blocked me ever since.

The conversation steadily became more intense as I learned more about Drum.
The reason we kept having falling outs was because I always felt like he never went through so much effort for me as he did with his other friends, and that I did way more for him than they did, and I was always so jealous and/or left out because of so (admittedly a very toxic mindset).
What I've been told were instances proving that point, him spending on friends WAY more than what he ever spent for me (none). Expectedly, with my over jealousy and mindset, I became so furious and filled with rage, I felt betrayed. I was overwhelmed and upset and mad and I didn't know what to do.



and then, a thought came to mind.
In a fit of rage, I made up a lie and said that Drumstick groomed me, he did NOTHING for me while I did everything, I couldn't care about anything else I just wanted him to be seen as the bad guy.

Things quickly unfolded, and Drumstick came back to me again.
I was expecting the conversation to be me lashing out at him being mad, but at the time of him returning, it was when shit hit the fan, and my psyche starting coming back to me and I realized what I did. We instead had a long talk about each other and how we treated ourselves.
Few more days have passed and we started building up again, he paid me for everything I made for him, told me he didn't want giving me empty promises anymore but said he wanted to include me in things I wasn't part of. I didn't consider him my friend yet, we were just on talking terms, but I was starting to feel hopeful again. We started being more honest, open and communicated with each other's thoughts (something we NEVER did in the past, which was a main cause of why our past friendship has been so bumpy)

I considered him my friend again, and we were both confident, we've been the best we've ever been together, no more assumptions, no more bottling up feelings, no more hiding our doubts, listening to each other instead of being clouded by our judgement. I felt more and more happy with him, it felt like the start of our friendship again from 2019-2020, but we were determined to make it even better. But on the other side, I felt more and more guilty, I never forgot and forgave myself about what I did, and on the other spectrum, everyone who knows him now thinks of him as a groomer.
At this point we were really good friends, which only makes me feel worse because of the fact that I did this big charade of him falsely grooming me, painting him in a bad image.
He knows what I did, he forgives me for it and says I shouldn't worry, and that he doesn't mind if others view him as a vile groomer. I wasn't. I've been bearing this guilt for 3 months now. The longer I keep doing nothing, the longer people keep thinking of him in a bad light I don't even blame Star or anyone else for making an announcement PSA of him, because they're simply doing so out of the goodness of their hearts, not knowing I was never actually groomed.

So now it's my turn to make a PSA:

Drumstick didn't groom me, I was never used, I was never exploited, never taken advantage of, never felt in danger with him. He was a terrible friend in the past, and I sure was hell hurt by his treatment of me as a friend, but he's absolutely not a groomer.